Not

 Today, I am not thrilled.  I do not want to change my plans, yet I can not see how they can come to pass without a certain person in our life.

Our plans for the future included someone who will not be there.  We will be doing it alone, which is not a bad thing-yet it is not what we wanted.

I am sure it is not what she wanted either.

I wish I could figure out a way to process this, but I can not figure it out in my head.

I know that not enough time has passed yet.  And I am not giving myself enough credit.

I keep saying the wrong things, I am not good at this.

I am not a people person, but I want to be there for my people.

I know this is not the last time I will have to deal with this type of situation.

And I will never be ready for it, not really!

I just keep praying that I'll figure it out, or maybe I will not.  And that is okay too I guess, I am not going to kick myself for it.  I can not do everything and I can not be everything.

I can not forgot.