As an adult, I have not been a church-going Christian. I have, of course, always believed in God and always believed in the teachings I learned growing up in a church of Jesus and lived my life somewhat according to those teachings. I have of course, strayed and sinned. Recently, watching the spiritual growth of my oldest son and his wife, along with the ongoing spiritual growth of my oldest daughter and child, I have given much thought about my own life and my own afterlife.
I can only say, that during my adult life, I still pray at night daily, but I have moved away from praying at meal time and during special moments of my life for whatever reason. The base and belief is there, but lack of support, education that is freely expressed, and dedication to be honest just haven't been there.
Today, along with Billy and Olivia, we watched church together and did bible study afterward. I not only learned what I should be working on better, but I also learned that Billy is much more religious and knowledgeable than I ever knew or understood. He also grew up in the church, having a grandfather who was a minister and a pretty devout mom. It was refreshing that he participated and really expressed a lot of his own feelings that he has been having, and his thoughts on the bible and just learning more. He even confessed to wanting to start a podcast where like-minded people could get together and discuss the bible as well as questions and thoughts people may have.
Olivia led the discussion, using the SOAP method, and it was a fun, enlightening experience. I'd love to find an in-person church to attend-perhaps we even just go once a month to Gavin & Jennifer's house to attend an in-person sermon.
I hope I can be forthright with my Christianity and not a closet Christian out of being embarrassed that people will look down on me or question the reasons why I am turning more to the Lord and his teachings. I am either around a lot of judgmental people or I am very insecure about my own thoughts, whichever one of those is the truth I hope to root it out and make a change either way.
I hope to express my thoughts on my blog, not for readers of course, because no one reads this thing, but it is a wonderful journal!
The great thing about God is that he is very welcoming and it doesn't matter how long you've been away, he is always there to welcome you back with open arms. I am ready for this new adventure and new life.
Amen,
XOXO, Lela
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