Reasons

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I also emotional respond, either out of anger or hurt.  In general, I don't attack & I am a bit passive aggressive when I am trying to get my point across.  There are many reasons for this, one I try not to & don't want to hurt any ones feelings & two-who knows how I will fee a week later-a month later, or let's say seven months later.

Several months ago (SEVERAL) I encountered some displeasing behavior.  Not only was it displeasing for myself, but for my husband as well.  Our perspective was that it was pointless & silly for this person to behave so rudely, oddly & unfamiliar.  But as time goes on, I realize that what I didn't realize was something someone was capable of & there for shocking me and making me think they were being rude, odd & unfamiliar was just really how they are period.

It took me months of pondering this situation to realize that I got off lucky.  And they are the one that is suffering the consequences of their own actions-not me.  I am lucky to be on the outside now, because if you're on the outside-you never have to be put out.  At first I was angry, hurt & very disappointed by the lack of support, lack of love and lack of human feeling.  Now, I am happy, relieved and satisfied that I don't have to deal with this ever again.  God does work in mysterious ways for sure.

So much has changed & evolved in my family, my friendships & my relationship with my husband.  And those who were meant to stand strong beside us didn't, those who I figured would run didn't & love has been expressed in the most natural & humanizing way from the most unlikely candidates.

I have changed.  I have evolved. I am no longer that scared hurt person.  I no longer have to "deal" with people because they are "family".  I can stand on my own, I can stand with you.  I never choose to walk down the path alone-but I will, and bravely I will go.