I'm Tired

I am tired.  We all hear that phrase a lot don't we?  "Good morning, how are you?" "Tired, how about yourself?", "I am pretty tried myself, thanks for asking".....which is the small talk of the office.

I feel like I wake up tired and go to bed tired.  I look tired, I feel tired and I behave tired.

I am also tired of things.  I am tired of how this society is treating each other (and thinking it's okay), I am tired of my children always messing up our house, I am tired that I get so pissed at them for messing up (and not cleaning up) our house.  I am tired of the weather here in Florida, the relentless heat and rain, the horrible storms & terrifying hurricanes and I am certainly tired of the bugs (mainly spiders).

I am tired of being jealous of certain people.  I am tired of wanting things I can't have.  I am tired of people making promises and then breaking them.  I am tired of feeling alone, I am tired of feeling like I am never alone (figure that one out would ya).  I am tired of not being able to give my children everything they want (and need at times) but financially and emotionally.

I am tired of my oldest kids living so far away from me.  I am tired of not having enough time with my family.  I am tired of missing out on things I should be present for, both physically and emotionally.  I am tired of missing the old days.  I am tired of thinking of when I'll have old people days.  I am tired of thinking about dying.  I am tired of thinking about taxes, bills, grocery shopping and what I should be cooking for dinner.  I am tired of family and friends, who should give a shit but don't.  I am tired of being one of those people as well.

I am tired of feeling like an outsider.  I am tired of being a weirdo.  I am tired of being fat and having parts of my body ache that I feel is directly associated with that.  I am tired of being to tired to work out, and tired of being to lazy to work out (if we're being honest).  I am tired of not giving a shit.  I am tired of giving to much of a shit.

I am tired of never being satisfied with myself, or the people around me.  I am tired of being so fucking impatient.  I am tired of being someone who jumps to conclusions, because I am tired of being hurt.  I am kind of tired of being so forgiving, and definitely tired of not being 100% forgiving enough to some people.

I am tired of wishing people would do the right thing.  I am tired of my long commute to work.  I am tired of all the shitty drivers that are on the roads during my long commute to work.  I am tired of the shitty parking at my work.  I am tired of shopping at Walmart.  I am tired of there not being a Trader Joe's in my hometown.  I am tired of over priced haircuts and milk.  I am tired of coffee not being free, hell I am tired of wine not being free.

I am tired of writing this blog post.

I am so tired, but mostly I am tired of being do damn tired.