Half a Century

Today, I am fifty years old.  Today is my birthday!  During my 40's I didn't love myself very much.  I was constantly editing my photos to take out most of my imperfections, well if I am being honest I did that in my 20s and 30s as well.  I can't tell you why, insecure is my guess.  I don't know what I was ever insecure about, I am a normal and natural-looking person with no major disgusting parts.  The older I got, the more I thought I didn't care what people thought about me, and allowed myself to be photographed more and allowed them to be shown off on social media.  But the facts are I do care, I do care what people think - but mostly I care about what I think.  I think I shouldn't care so much about how my face and body are aging and really embrace them all.  So I decided to stop over-editing my self-portraits, and though this was edited for artistic purposes (wanted a more muted tone) it is not edited in Facetune or anything to alter the way my face looks and smooth out the skin.  I wanted to look at myself and leave behind photos that really reflect who I am at this moment in time because I am so incredibly grateful for this time on earth, so grateful for these first fifty years honestly.  This 50-year-old body has done so much for me.  It has allowed me to give birth by c-section to three amazing humans.  It has allowed me to retire after 30 years of working for the University of Florida.  It has allowed me to hug, to love, to make love, to read, to write, to eat, to walk and talk.  I have been blessed with three gorgeous grandchildren.  Today, instead of being sad that I am getting older and being sad that I am 1/2 a century old I am so fucking happy about it, and so graciously excited to see what the future holds for me.