Half a Century

Today, I am fifty years old.  Today is my birthday!  During my 40's I didn't love myself very much.  I was constantly editing my photos to take out most of my imperfections, well if I am being honest I did that in my 20s and 30s as well.  I can't tell you why, insecure is my guess.  I don't know what I was ever insecure about, I am a normal and natural-looking person with no major disgusting parts.  The older I got, the more I thought I didn't care what people thought about me, and allowed myself to be photographed more and allowed them to be shown off on social media.  But the facts are I do care, I do care what people think - but mostly I care about what I think.  I think I shouldn't care so much about how my face and body are aging and really embrace them all.  So I decided to stop over-editing my self-portraits, and though this was edited for artistic purposes (wanted a more muted tone) it is not edited in Facetune or anything to alter the way my face looks and smooth out the skin.  I wanted to look at myself and leave behind photos that really reflect who I am at this moment in time because I am so incredibly grateful for this time on earth, so grateful for these first fifty years honestly.  This 50-year-old body has done so much for me.  It has allowed me to give birth by c-section to three amazing humans.  It has allowed me to retire after 30 years of working for the University of Florida.  It has allowed me to hug, to love, to make love, to read, to write, to eat, to walk and talk.  I have been blessed with three gorgeous grandchildren.  Today, instead of being sad that I am getting older and being sad that I am 1/2 a century old I am so fucking happy about it, and so graciously excited to see what the future holds for me.

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About Me

Getting a little more personal......I was born & raised in Florida, the beautiful, hot, humid sunshine state! I was born to Bruce & Kristen way back in the old days when people were not offended by any and everything! They went on to have three more children together {Molly, Bruce Jr. & Matthew) before they divorced. Both of them remarried (and are still married to these lovely people to this day). My dad had himself TWO more kids with my step-mom Debbie (Jessica & Charles). My mom & Jonny never had any more children together, I think that when he met my single mom & her four kids, he was totally satisfied with the sheer amount of raising he'd have to do.

 I had a pretty typical American upbringing.  Born in Gainesville, raised in Newberry until my parents divorced.  My mom remarried when I was in the 7th grade and they moved us out to Chiefland.  Newberry wasn't a very large town, but moving to Chiefland was a whole different world to me.  I finished growing up and graduated from CHS (yee-haw).

One of my fondest memories from my childhood was when my stepdad Jonny used to take us camping at Watermelon Pond, Rocky Creek & other strange places I wasn't used to at the time.  We'd ride airboats, 3 & 4 wheelers, swim in the gulf, the pond & tubed.  My sister Molly and I shared a room when we were growing up, and it wasn't always fun, but for the most part, it was also one of the best times of my life.  We didn't have AC in our house until 1990 and so we would often jump into each other's beds, point the isolating fan directly on us and try to sweat ourselves to sleep.  We'd laugh, joke, fight, makeup & just enjoy each other's company.  To this day, we still remain very close though we do not get to spend as much time together as I would like.  She is a wonderful mother of three beautiful children.  Bruce is married now, to Colleen & they have amazing and active children.  Matthew is single but raising two firecrackers of his own.  Jessica also married with two kids.  Charles is our only holdout, single with no children (that we know of).

I myself have five children total Teresa, Gavin, Weston, Xander & Olivia (typed out in the order of when they were born to this world via my own body or of my heart).  Teresa was born in 1990 (the reason we finally got AC) when I was 16 years old.  Yes, I am one of "those people".  She was born three months early at only 2.2 pounds via c-section.  A fighter then and a fighter now.  She's smart, inquisitive, generous, empathetic, caring, loving, adorable & sweet.  She lives in Portland Oregon where she is a stay-at-home mommy to my first grandchild, Oscar who is turning out to be just like his sweet mama.  Gavin was born in 1996 via c-section as well but was full term.  He's also smart, funny, loyal, and hard-working.  He was wiry from the day he was born, walking at only 7 months old, he is now in the Army & stationed in North Carolina.  Weston was also born via c-section full term in 2002.  He was a fat, happy & friendly baby.  Thoughtful & kind, he is now in high school; plays baseball & video games.  Xander was born of my heart but his birth was in 2003 when I met Xander he was three; happy, active & shy.  He has grown into a handsome, strong, smart young man who is attending high school and plays baseball!  Olivia, also born from my heart in 2013.  She is wild, loving, tender & sweet.  She is something lovely that came from something ugly.  More about that HERE!  I love all five of these young people with all my being and feel very lucky to have them as my own.

I have been taking pictures for as long as I can remember, so putting it on the back burner was not an easy decision for me to make.

When I was a kid I used to take sheets and hang them up on my brother's bunk beds and force them to "model" in front of them for me.  They were not willing, but since they were much younger then I was-I got my way.  My sister Molly on the other hand, well since we were closer in age & size-she didn't participate as much-hehe.  As you can see from this photo, I had mad skills back then (this is my brother Matting during one of his many modeling sessions).  Everything that I know about film or digital photography was completely self-taught.  I had to admit, I just never had the extra money to take any classes-so it has taken me years to perfect my "craft".   I am hoping to fall back in love with photography soon.

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