New Outfit/New Size.....

This weekend I am on the hunt for my FitBit Charge 3 band, size small.  That is something I really thought I would say, even though my wrists are small for my size-since being on WW they are even smaller.  I am down about 10 pounds now, and that apparently is in my wrists & ankles lol!

Today, I am wearing a pair of jeans I bought me for the future.  I bought them because they were on sale, $30 regularly $70!  I got them in a size 16 so I would have at least one pair of jeans when I lost enough weight.  When they came in the mail, I pulled them out and said out loud "damn these things are small, glad they have some stretch to them...no way they'll fit me now!".  And then I shrugged my shoulders and attempted to put them on, and they actually fit like a glove!  WHAT?  Voodoo!

 & so my story continues.....

xoxo, L

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let me stop you right there.....

I want to be a better person.  Sure I've done some good things, things that maybe other people wouldn't have the heart to do - but that doesn't make me a good person - a better person.  I find that I have a lot of rage when I am driving, at other drivers.  Something that makes me feel bad about myself, when I am saying the "f" world to totally strangers while I drive smugly in my little white hatchback.  Sometimes I get tired of saying "oh forgive me for that" under my breath when I let my anger towards bad drivers get the better of me.  Let me add really quick that my rage/anger doesn't make me feel like hurting anyone, never has - just makes me yell (alone in my car-where no one can hear me) and cuss.  It's the cussing and angry tone that I want to change.

It's so funny typing these words now, because I told myself I wouldn't be doing any real new years resolutions - but I do want to be-as I have said before, a better person.

How does one totally change their bad habits like that, I say habit because it's something I've indulged myself with isn't it?  Driving alone, 2-2 1/2 hours a day for 25+ years....yeah, you pick up some bad habits.

I guess the first step is to admit you have a problem, right lol!  Well here I am, admitting it.  I am flawed, so hopelessly flawed.

I want to be a thinner person.  And not that I want to be skinny, but I do want to be thinner then I am now.  I'll admit, openly and not just to my daughter Teresa - but it is uncomfortable to cut my own toenails and paint them.  There I said it!  I got a Fitbit for Christmas (something I asked for, don't send my husband hate mail just yet) and I have been trying to use the WW app for several years now.  What's my problem?  I am like the biggest asshole to myself!

I want to be less of an asshole.  I mean, seriously - what the hell?  What gives me the right to be such an asshole?  I let the frustrations and sadness of other people affect me to much.  If someone I work with is having issues with their husband, I go home and be an asshole to my husband.  Seriously, WTH lol!  Now granted, most of the time he deserves the attitude, am I right ladies?

Well, here's to further self discovery and improvement - Cheers!

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Fat Girl Problems 001

So, first let me say that I am on WW's again & so I have been tracking my food and drink intake and keeping to a certain amount of points & I have been loosing again-slowly but I am loosing.

Now, on to what I have to say....since I have gotten bigger & experienced some negative aspects to it I feel safe in talking about this.  If you're a larger person, be it tall or be in thick you probably understand where I am coming from.  Okay, so....I have always liked to sit at a booth when dining out, it's intimate and cozy.  But over the years, I have noticed how difficult it is to actually be comfortable while eating in these things.  First off, the tables are ALWAYS to low & now that I have gained weight the tables are almost always to close to the chair & to low, so it's like the table is on my lap and my belly is right there-ready to hang over on the table......I freaking hate it.  I don't like to point this out to people, because I don't need people making special accommodations for my weight and height, but damn are we not living in a world filled with fat and tall people anymore?

When I was younger and smaller, I would complain about this along side my friend Kari when we would shop for jeans, back then it was hard to find anything for tall gals in the way of denim-and this even was true for the most popular most expensive jeans at the time-they just didn't make them long enough no matter what, even when they claimed to be "tall".  So I guess the situation has just shifted from one subject matter to another in the way of being totally annoying and pissing off people like me, and there are so many people like me.

Okay, fatty signing off...need to add my coffee to my WW app, lol :D Enjoy your day!

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Best Gluten-Free Product's I've found SO FAR

Man, I really thought being GF would be much harder then it is.  I must say, it's a bit easier then I imagined.  Only because apparently being GF is pretty common and so there are tons of companies that are providing great options for people who gluten free or non-GMO eaters.

I love to make a nice cheese burger at home from time to time, and so far the best bun I have found is UDI's hamburger buns.  It's fluffy like a regular wheat bun, but it's also almost buttery-like a crescent.  Yummy right?  I found mine in the freezer section at Winn-Dixie.

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But I love Bread....

We all struggle with little pains, little uncomfortable things happening to our bodies as we age and as we grow (up).  I am not different then most.  I just suffer through it silently.  Thinking it's just part of life and part of how I am.  But here lately some of those symptoms seemed to be increasing in frequency and comfortableness.....

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Waiting for Lela

One of the hardest things I've had to do in my life, aside from forgiving B - was waiting for myself to return.  The loss, anger, disappointment and well trauma (yes trauma) you feel from such a betrayal leaves you much changed.  It leaves you alone.  It leaves you very very much alone, and before you know it you do not even know yourself anymore - you've turned into this bitter hateful person, who can do nothing but lash out at the one(s) that brought you the pain.  Often these lashes are subtle and no one would really ever notice (or blame you).  In fact, B had taken on the role of being my emotional punching bag for the better part of three years while I wanted for Lela to return to my heart, my soul and my mind.

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I can't be the only one that wants a clean floor

At what point does a mother get to turn off her mind?  Is it when I finally am to old to remember stuff, or have a horrible brain disease such as Alzheimer's?  I mean, why must I remember every single thing, for not only my own life but for my husbands life, and every single one of my children's as well?

For years now, years...we have trash on Monday' mornings.  For years now, I have to say every Sunday-don't forget to take the trash down.  If I don't say it, it doesn't happen-EVER!  No one ever remembers.  I have literally let it pile up for three weeks, and still no one remembered to take it down.  Every Monday, the boys get off the bus right near the empty trash can, yet every Monday evening when I get home from work I have to say, go get the trash can and bring it back to the house.  If I don't, it sits there all week.  Every day, for five days, they get off the bus and see it.

Something gets on the floor in the kitchen, they drop it or it falls off during the wiping down of the counters (which they've also been told to do but don't ever remember so I have to tell them every day when they do dishes), they just leave it there.  Like some how it's going to disappear.  I have literally stood and watched while one of the little shits wiped something off the counter, watched it hit the floor and they just was like meh, and went about the wiping of the counters.  I waited for them to go pick it up, and they never did-they just threw the rag into the sink and tried (TRIED) to walk back to their room.  I scream...GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I could save myself the "trouble" and just do it myself, but that just doesn't seem fair to me.  So I guess for the rest of my days, or until my brain just stops working - I'll have to remind & tell everyone to do everything, like some sort of crazy cleaning Nazi.  I mean, seriously, I can't be the only person in our house that wants a clean house or clean floors?

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Social Introvert who things to much......

I have always known I was a little introverted, but today I took a test to see what type of introvert I was....and the results are interesting based on this!

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