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Saturday, December 07, 2019

Happy "Almost" Holidays!

So, the unthinkable happened. My camera stopped functioning during a little mini session with my kiddos. This caused me to have to turn down a few photo sessions this fall-which sucks because everyone loves a little extra cash around the holidays.

But the good news is, I did manage to get a few cute pics of the kids & the camera is fixable (away being fixed now) so in the meantime, please take a look at the photos I got of my sweet babes..(the ones left in the nest anyway). As you can see from the photos-only one was willing to "model" for me lol

Who's socks are those?

Well, we got ourselves a wild one ya'll. So here is the story....yesterday, while at work I get a call from Miss O's school, it's her teacher, frustration in her voice she asks me what time we dropped her off at school today. I had no idea where this was going, but I let her know that she actually rode the bus today, and she sighs and begins to explain to me that she is going to have to send her to the office because she and her little friend showed up to class 15 minutes late again.

When her teacher asked each of the girls where they were, neither had an answer (or just wouldn't answer), but Mrs. B did know that they were found in the bathroom together, "doing God knows what".....she expressed. Before she sent her to speak to the Mr. J, I did have a chance to talk to O. She didn't have an answer for me to why she was roaming around on campus, just "I don't know....." was said to me over and over again, in a small meek voice. Since this was the second time she has come to class late and been caught not being where she was supposed to be, I told her that she would be in trouble when she got home......

Fast forward to the evening and my darling daughter comes in the house, swiftly walking through the house towards her bedroom - passing by me I say "Hey girl....wait OMG who's clothes are those?"...thinking maybe she had an accident at school or something, heck it happens-she's six. She doesn't answer me-just gives me the side eye and a "sad face", she just keeps walking quickly to her room crying a little. But my husband, who was the one that brought her home from after school is walking through the door now and yells "THEY ARE J'S LELA, THEY SWITCHED CLOTHES IN THE F'IN BATHROOM, THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE DOING. THEY CHANGED INTO EACH OTHERS CLOTHES, THEY CHANGE EVERYTHING LELA, EVEN THEIR F'IN UNDERWEAR & SOCKS! WHAT THE HELL?".

I have to admit, I was a little speechless. I mean, what? I guess my husband saw the look on my face because he repeated himself "yeah, underwear, socks, shoes.....every single thing....I mean, look at the shoes, they are way to big...." at that point, I had to hide my laughter-keep it down because apparently the conversation with our sweet girl really pissed him off, he was HOT! Y'all pray for that girl, lol-and pray for us!

Love in the Afternoon

When our sweet girl comes home from her visits either with her other family or with my mom (who is watching her every other week for a few days so we can work) she is so happy. Don't get me wrong-I am not saying she doesn't enjoy her visits with family - but she misses home, her room, her mama, her daddy, her mean brothers....yeah-she's a happy girl. I love her little sweet self, and feel very lucky to be her mama. How did I get so lucky to have two beautiful sweet daughters?

(I realize this photo is a little warm and grainy-but it's from my iphone-inside a dark house-with just a lamp to illuminate)

These Three

It is so hard to get good pictures of the kids lately. One doesn't want to smile, one doesn't want to find clothes that are not stretched out and one is mostly cooperative. My time with this is short, they are growing up so fast-the days go by and before I know it, it's been a year and I have not photographed the boys together with their sister, or the boys at all (they simply hardly allow it). I am enjoying every second I can with them, but I want to photograph them too! Soooo on our way to swim at Maw's house one day-we drove by the river and snapped a few of them! Gosh they are a cute mess.

First Day of School 2018

Almost Five

Little O will be 5 years old August 12th. The day after her birthday she embarks on her educational career at CCES as a Kindergartner! She says she is nervous about starting a new school, meeting new people and not knowing what she'll be learning. I keep telling her how exciting it will be and how much fun she's going to have. She's not so sure yet. I cannot wait to hear how her first day of school goes & I cannot wait to meet her teacher. I cannot wait to be an active parent in her classroom on my Monday's off work. I cannot wait to go on field trips and eat lunches with her during parent lunching days. I cannot wait to get the sweet mothers day gifts they make in class, or the Christmas ornaments they make to hang on our tree this year. This is such a small thing, a small part of her big life but it is so important and so much fun. I missed so much with the older kids, because I was working so much and now, I am older and am more relaxed at work I can sit back and really enjoy my time (hopefully).

xoxo, Lela

G, W, X & Miss O

Our mini vacation with Gavin is coming to an end, he'll be leaving for North Carolina Saturday morning - so this is our last week with him. Sucks that I have to work, but things are so crazy at the office right now and I already have vacation scheduled for the first two weeks of July! So we'll have to plan to go see him in his new town......I am sure I'll love North Carolina. :)

The other day, Gavin decided last minute to go visit a friend who was traveling through town (a guy he met in Alaska). He hadn't been gone more then two minutes when Olivia piped up and said "I miss Gavin". I laughed a bit and reminded her he had just left - and how he'd be back soon and she reminded me again how much she missed him still. I asked her what she was going to do when he left on Saturday for North Carolina and she simply said (and she meant it) "FREAK OUT!"....I tried hard not to laugh-but how sweet is that child? We will all miss him.

On Monday I took the kids to lunch and run a few errands. They graced me with a few smiles-and here is our outcome :)

xoxo, Lela

Guns!!!!!

I read this on facebook today. It sums up how I feel. And if you're offended, I am sorry. But this is logical to me.

"Don't tell me it's a gun control issue. Don't attempt to even hint that it's the NRA or Trump that is causing this. This.. THIS is a mental health issue that is NOT being addressed in America. We all had bullies in school, we had "weird" kids but they didn't gun down other students. THIS is directly related to a combination of mental health,
Poor parenting, and the pussy-fication of this nation. When our children don't know what bathroom to use, are offended by everything, and see that they are exonerated from their actions because they can blame it on others.. THAT In itself IS the problem. Murder is illegal. Drugs are illegal. Yet they still happen. Calling for stronger gun laws isn't the answer. It isn't the gun.. start holding the perpetrator responsible, and the system that failed them."

Life is Flying

At my age, should I be sitting around (figuratively speaking) thinking about all the things I've missed out on and maybe how I didn't live up to my potential? Isn't this something you start to think of in the Winter of your life, not the Fall? I have been feeling rather depressed lately about so many things.......like

should I have gone to college
should I apply for another job, so I move up the chain
why didn't I go to the elementary school to have lunch with Weston when he asked me so many times, for the sake of not waiting to ask for the time off work
why did I yell at my kids and make them feel like shit for bringing home a bad grade or a report card that wasn't great
Did I ever have a flat stomach
Should I have closed my photography business down..

the list goes on and on.....

I miss so much about my kids, I miss them so much (Teresa & Gavin). I wish they lived closer, so I could visit with them & get to know them as adults. Talk to them more, why don't I call them more-why don't I like talking on the phone!? Can't I just do it for them?

I look at pictures of them, and I just want to go back in time. Be a softer mother, and maybe not so strict. Maybe have not been so selfish for my quiet time, and let there be more ciaos (I have still not learned to live without my quiet time).

I want to be a better version of myself. Am I already that, does that change every day regardless. I just don't know.

I want to buy a house, get a new car...enjoy finer things in life. I feel like I am on a wheel, like a hamster in a cage getting absolutely no place. There is never enough money, never enough time - but then I don't change that either.

I get to retire in five years. Is that when my life really starts? Or have I already missed it. I don't understand why I am so sad and creeped out lately about death. Why am I even thinking about it? Is that normal?

I just don't know the answer to these questions, and everything seem so random and hard to grasp for me these days. I cannot even go grocery shopping without loosing my train of thought if I am with the other kids. I snap at them, they get offended. Is it me, is it them? What can I do?

Maybe I need a vacation. Maybe I need to meditate. Maybe I just need a knock in the head.

DD, and I don't mean Dunkin'Donuts

So yesterday was your typical day, I got up, I went to work & I came home. Nothing crazy, the only difference is Miss O has been sick lately and so she stayed home with me on Monday & then dad the rest of the week. Well I guess, at some point our little darling decided to sneak off and do something naughty.....picture this....

It's 8pm, bedtime! Our little sweet heart is sitting in her room watching "her shows" when I walk into her room and immediately smell....you guessed it POOP! She doesn't pay me much attention until I say "why does it stink in here, it smells like Poop Olivia!" She looks up at me, faking being confused and says not a word. Billy is behind me, and quickly says - "I don't smell anything, what are you talking about".....I continued to grill the girl about the smell in her room when she finally says she doesn't want us to be mad at her.....now, this obviously has old poop that happened earlier in the day, and I quickly decided I was done - this one I was leaving dad to figure out, find and deal with.....which he did.

Turns out, our princess decided to poop into a pot that goes to her kiddie kitchen and store it under her bed, out of sight - but not out of smell - good Lord did that room stink! I guess after the ordeal, of cleaning up the pan and searching for more of her little devils donuts he decided that the smell must have leaked into her skin & decided to give her another bath. I just sat in my recliner - trying not to laugh as he confusingly questions her on why she would do that.....lol!

When he finally was done, and came out of her room I asked him "Well, did you finally smell it then dear?" to which he gives me the "fuck you Lela" look that he's famous for!

xoxo, L

Forgiveness & Love

I have a lot of shit to say, and some of it isn't friendly - so I am glad that no one really reads my blog. But I've had a lot of my mind lately.

This particular blog was set up as a way to post/host photos of the kids growing up, and just our active life. At first it was just me and the boys and so I had it named something appropriate to that - and then it was me and the two Johnson's and I changed the name to incorporate my new life with B&X, and my boys. Honestly, I loved that name & blog. It was called "More than Johnson's" and that is what it was, what we were - and that is still the case - but after O was introduced into our lives, and when that entire situation was happening - I needed to disassociate myself from the "Johnson" name - as I honestly didn't think my marriage with my husband was going to survive such a betrayal and such heartbreak. I didn't think I had it in me.

I can't be the only one that wants a clean floor

At what point does a mother get to turn off her mind? Is it when I finally am to old to remember stuff, or have a horrible brain disease such as Alzheimer's? I mean, why must I remember every single thing, for not only my own life but for my husbands life, and every single one of my children's as well?

For years now, years...we have trash on Monday' mornings. For years now, I have to say every Sunday-don't forget to take the trash down. If I don't say it, it doesn't happen-EVER! No one ever remembers. I have literally let it pile up for three weeks, and still no one remembered to take it down. Every Monday, the boys get off the bus right near the empty trash can, yet every Monday evening when I get home from work I have to say, go get the trash can and bring it back to the house. If I don't, it sits there all week. Every day, for five days, they get off the bus and see it.

Something gets on the floor in the kitchen, they drop it or it falls off during the wiping down of the counters (which they've also been told to do but don't ever remember so I have to tell them every day when they do dishes), they just leave it there. Like some how it's going to disappear. I have literally stood and watched while one of the little shits wiped something off the counter, watched it hit the floor and they just was like meh, and went about the wiping of the counters. I waited for them to go pick it up, and they never did-they just threw the rag into the sink and tried (TRIED) to walk back to their room. I scream...GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I could save myself the "trouble" and just do it myself, but that just doesn't seem fair to me. So I guess for the rest of my days, or until my brain just stops working - I'll have to remind & tell everyone to do everything, like some sort of crazy cleaning Nazi. I mean, seriously, I can't be the only person in our house that wants a clean house or clean floors?

Holidays Are Near

The holidays are riding upon us. I have decided to start my Christmas shopping just a little early this year, I actually started in October! A lot of the stuff is small & the kids didn't even ask for it, but I found it-thought it was cute & decided to just order it. The boys are already showing signs of excitement, it's rather adorable. I can't wait to spend this valuable time with them, this year Christmas week falls on my weeks with O&W....fantastic, that mean's I'll be home with them all week & get all that great time with all of them. The plans for X are still up in the air. I would have hoped we would have planned something with his mom by now, but we have not heard & B told me to not mention it, that it wasn't my responsibility to make sure they saw each other that it was hers-and I hear him, but I still care for X and I care about his needs and desires-whatever they may be, and maybe I am reaching.

Last night, at the baseball game-I walk up as the boys are all out in the outfield warming up. X is the closest to the fence that I am walking past to head towards the bleachers to take my seat. He sees me and says "MOM".....and it warmed my heart. I really am a lucky "mom" to be given the opportunity to raise two amazing bonus children. God knew what he was doing when he gave me these two crazy people.

So those are all good things, I bet you're wondering what I have to rant & rave about? Well, one thing I've noticed about social media is that there are so many people out there shaming others into donating to various Go Fund Me pages, they post the link on their page over and over again - begging or asking people to donate to this "good cause" and trust me, they all sound like good causes & I would never begrudge someone help if they really needed it - but the people asking, and making a fuss-if you look at the donors...they have not even donated. Maybe they feel they are doing their part by "putting it out there so more can see & more can give..." and that is their contribution, but the feeling of self gratification is what bugs me. Ah well. If that's my only complain this week I guess it's not so bad...but it's not, hahaha. Best Buy, I could write a book about how pissed I am at them right now!

xoxo, Lela