FL to NC to FL again

Our beautiful, strong, amazingly smart and kind oldest son returned safely from Kuwait.  He was in staging/quarantine for fourteen days before we were able to see him.  We took off a few days, loaded up his truck and ours, and set our map to Fayetteville NC (Fort Bragg).

I feel so blessed and happy to have him back stateside.....and so does Olivia as you can see.

Read more

No right to Mourn

I have an entire post about this coming soon, just taking me some time to get my thoughts down.  I feel like a lot of times when I post it's ramblings-something that most people I guess just post on Facebook to get it out of their system.  I like to post here, so it's intentional if you read it-not just something that pops into your feed.

I have no right to mourn this loss, but I feel as though I am in a small way.  I was not married to Gavin's father anymore-we had long divorced.  I didn't have a relationship with him either due to the way his life had taken a turn.  Hell his children didn't even have a relationship with him.  He made it hard on the ones he loved and who loved him towards the end of his life.

But having said that, I still feel a great sadness with knowing he is gone, that he has passed away.  Even in just writing that, I am crying-but trying to stop myself from those feelings due to the fact that I shouldn't be taking stock in that grief, it's not for me to have right?

I just feel sad every day when I think about it, and start crying just out of the blue.  I imagine I am just going to have to sit down, cry this out & get on with it.

Well that's all I want to say for now about it, I'll post the longer version soon!

Read more

G, W, X & Miss O

Our mini vacation with Gavin is coming to an end, he'll be leaving for North Carolina Saturday morning - so this is our last week with him.  Sucks that I have to work, but things are so crazy at the office right now and I already have vacation scheduled for the first two weeks of July!  So we'll have to plan to go see him in his new town......I am sure I'll love North Carolina.  :)

The other day, Gavin decided last minute to go visit a friend who was traveling through town (a guy he met in Alaska).  He hadn't been gone more then two minutes when Olivia piped up and said "I miss Gavin".  I laughed a bit and reminded her he had just left - and how he'd be back soon and she reminded me again how much she missed him still.  I asked her what she was going to do when he left on Saturday for North Carolina and she simply said (and she meant it) "FREAK OUT!"....I tried hard not to laugh-but how sweet is that child?  We will all miss him.

On Monday I took the kids to lunch and run a few errands.  They graced me with a few smiles-and here is our outcome :)

xoxo, Lela

Read more

Thoughts...and then Gavin

I think that maybe I post to many blog posts.  I write way more then I post.  It's my journal, my diary, my notebook if you will.  A place where I want to go and jot down my thoughts....whenever I want.  I don't care if no one reads it. I just do it because I want to.  It's a great release.

I was at lunch with a friend of mine the other day & she mentioned doing a mental exercise to assist in maybe relieving some stress.  She's to write down three good things about the day; at the end of the day.  And she's to read them to herself the next day.  Some of what she said may have gotten lost in translation - but that is what I carried away from the conversation (correct me if I am wrong my friend).  I think it's a great exercise and something we should probably all do, if not in the handwritten, or typed words but mentally.  It certainly would help us focus more on the good things and not so much the bad things.  My mom always told me, "when you wake up-look at yourself in the mirror and instead of telling yourself "gosh your fat, or ugly or something negative" to tell yourself three good things"....I am surrounded by very wise ladies it seems.  And why not, why shouldn't we strive to be happy & healthy in our minds.  Why shouldn't we find strength in ourselves?

Anyway, I am posting these photos of Gavin from when he was about 14.  I don't know why I am posting them because they are older photos.  I guess mainly because I really miss this guy & I am very proud of him.  This is what is on my mind today & which why I am writing.....in just a few short months he'll be coming home for a visit.  I can't wait.

& yes, that slight smile is all I got.  He never did care for "modeling" for me lol!!!

Read more

Gotta Catch em All!

Does anyone else think it's weird when you run across 40+ year old people playing Pokemon!?  Especially when they used to make fun of people who played the real Pokemon, aka cards..?  Hell maybe odd isn't the right word-Ironic maybe lol!  I just remember Gavin getting a lot of shit for playing Pokemon or Magic while he was a pre-teen & up into his teen years...hell, I think even Teresa got shit about it...Weston & Xander both play Pokemon too-cards that is.

Anyway, here is a much more adult version I guess I could maybe get on board with, lol!  Enjoy & Happy FRIDAY!

xoxo, Lela

Read more